Warning: Ranting. Lots and lots of ranting. Also, this will be my last review until after December 6th, because Finals.
Okay Guilty Crown, I’ve put up with your BS for six episodes, three of which were painfully mediocre. And now you give me THIS shit?! GUILTY CROOOOOOOOOOOOOWN!!!!! D:<
You know how last time I was all, “I’m glad Shu’s now officially in Funeral Parlor so we don’t have to see more stupid school shenanigans?” I guess I spoke to soon because THIS EPISODE happened. And yup, he’s… back at school… for some inexplicable reason…
I’m not even going to bother writing a proper summary this time, I’m sorry. I’m too filled up with mixed emotions right now, most of which can be described as “annoyance” and “rage.” Anyway, yeah, Shu goes back to school, despite that being one of the stupidest things he could do. Come on, he’s practically a fugitive! And he escaped from GHQ headquarters too! I would think that going back to school would pretty much be like painting a target on yourself that says, “HERE I AM!” because if GHQ has as much hold over Japan as implied, then I’m sure they’d recapture Shu pretty quickly. Okay, Seiga might or might not have deleted all of GHQ’s data on Shu (as promised in the last episode) but then that leaves the question of Inori… HOW THE HELL IS SHE AN IDOL AND A REBEL?! WOULDN’T THAT MAKE HER MORE OBVIOUS OF A GOVERNMENT CRIMINAL WITH HER FAME?! And she’s gone on plenty of raids with Gai already so they should have recognized her too I mean god, who else in this series has pink, two-tone hair?!
Raging over GHQ’s incompetence aside, the rest of this episode played out just as badly as the initial shock of Shu going back to school. All of Shu’s classmates think Shu is a criminal (which he basically is) and then suddenly miss student council president ojou-sama blonde chick steps in and MAKES EVERYTHING BETTER! No seriously, she does! She somehow manages to cover Shu’s whiny ass and now Shu is the most popular dude in school I DON’T EVEN. Auuuuugh Guilty Crown, why is your writing so BAD?
And just when you think the writers are finally finished overusing painful clichés, they pull out the MILF card with Shu’s mom, Haruka! She doesn’t even bat an eyelash at the fact that Inori’s staying with Shu! Or that Inori’s staying at THEIR HOUSE! And she walks around in lingerie! In front of her son! And “cuddles” with him! IN LINGERIE! …HE’S HER SON! Excuse me while I slam my head on my keyboard. tytasld;kjflasgsd
After that gratuitous fanservice provided by Haruka, we get MORE GRATUITOUS FANSERVICE, courtesy of the new blonde chick whose name is Amira. She angsts about being the granddaughter of some rich old guy like we haven’t heard this schlock like a million times before. Then there’s a scene change where we are introduced to Colonel Eagle—I mean, DAN (as he wants to be called) who is not the least bit stereotypically American in the slightest, nope! /sarcasm
His *great* plan is to shoot down a whole entire party ship just because *some* people who are enemies of GHQ are going to be on there, which is totally not horribly evil in any way, nope! I mean, it’s not like anime has ever created painfully “American” characters who don’t give a shit about innocent people, nope! So yeah… turns out Haruka (Shu’s MILF in case you forgot) is attending the party. Shu wasn’t initially going to attend but has to because Gai needs him for a mission. Gai wants to meet with someone so that they can supply supplies to the Funeral Parlor. At the party itself, Shu just kind of… runs about like a chicken with its head cut off and gets chased by Amira (who’s also at the party ‘cause her grandpa’s hosting it) for acting suspicious. Obviously, it’s only because of Gai that Shu escapes, and even though it’s still painfully obvious that Gai is meant as bishonen bait for the ladies, he still manages to be a way more entertaining character than Shu and his whiny ass will ever be. It’s not long before Shu gets a message via Tsugumi that HEY, THERE ARE MISSILES COMING YOUR WAY!
The initial plan is just to abandon ship, but Shu refuses because there are innocents around. Also his mom. So he interrupts Gai’s meeting with Amira’s grandfather (as Gai is making a deal), and gets Gai to think up a plan to stop the missiles because he obviously can’t be trusted to think up a plan himself. Gai uses his duex-ex-void-seeing powers and makes Shu draw a void out of Amira—whose void happens to be a shield. While Colonel DAN is going missile crazy trying to shoot down a commercial liner, Shu destroys all the missiles with the shield, while the people inside the ship dance to Tchaikovsky’s “Waltz of the Flowers.” I swear to god I’m not making this shit up.
Grandpa ends up accepting Gai’s deal after witnessing “a firsthand account” of Shu’s void powers. And hey, it turns out that the informant (that told GHQ about the Gai’s involvement in the party beforehand) was actually Gai himself! Which proves that as entertaining of a character as he is, he’s still a dick who’s willing to risk hundreds of lives just to get what he wants! GUILTY CROWN!
As you can tell by my ramblings up above, yeah; this episode was terrible. The animation in some parts wasn’t as nice as past episodes either, which was really noticeable in some of the characters’ faces. I… I don’t even know if I want to continue reviewing Guilty Crown anymore. Just when it starts getting better, the producers go “LOL NOPE!” and plunge the series back into its cesspool of clichés. I think they’re trying WAY too hard to make this series appeal to as many people as possible, while not having a decent enough writing team to back it up. The end result is this… mess. Seriously, I wonder if the studio is just trolling us at this point. Or maybe they’re setting up an experiment to see if gratuitous eye-candy can make up for bad story writing and bad characters (though Gai’s exempt from this because he’s the only decent character in this entire series). Since I’ve wasted so much time reviewing this series already, I’m willing to give it ONE more chance. If the next two episodes (two since I won’t have time to review next week’s episode and so I’m doing a batch review later), don’t do anything to win me over again, I’m dropping this series faster than a sack of rocks.
Out of five for this episode:
One. Just one.