A First Impression: Netoge no Yome wa Onnanko ja Nai to Omotta? Episode 1

I should just make this screenshot be the entire review.

Our generic protag this time is part of a small guild in an online game called the Alley Cats, composed of him, two guys and a girl who he is now game-married to. Even though she confessed to him about 10 times, he continually refused because he doesn’t trust female avatars online anymore after the last one he fell in love with and demanded to marry rejected him, saying he was actually a man in real life. This is portrayed as a)a deeply traumatic event and b)somehow not the protagonists fault for being so goddamn thirsty he wants to marry any cute game avatar he sees.

The girl in love with him this time, Ako, really wants him to know that she is actually is 100% for reals a girl, and their leader decides that the guild ought to have an IRL meetup. Conveniently, everyone lives nearby, and every more conveniently, every actually goes to the exact same school. This is because Ako is a shy bookworm there, but the other two guys in the guild also turn out to be schoolgirls.

so why is it more likely that a girl is going to turn out to be some super muscular ripped guy than some pastyass nerd anyway

I didnt want to watch this show. I had to mentally drag myself kicking and screaming just to start the episode, and it somehow managed to be far, far more obnoxiously bad than the synopsis implies. I thought the worst thing about it would be the blatantly insufferable self-congratulatory 2chan wank about ‘normies’ and the manic pixie dreamgirl bullshit of Ako, but it managed to surpass those expectations by making Ako somehow even more aggravating than I expected. That fuckin voice. Her shrill screeching every five seconds is not even remotely as cute and endearing as the writers seem to think. Literally all she does is scream and squeal and hug the protagonist, and every five minutes or so her bouncings tits or butt fills the entire screen. It’s annoying at first, and then it just gets boring. I actually lost count of all the tit and ass closeups in this show, and I continually wonder if the people this show is aimed at are just that goddamn thirsty for cartoon titties or if they have some kind of goldfish attention span where they never get bored of the same thing over and over in the space of one episode.

I was worried this was going to be another big popular thing that everyone loves and I hate, but I’d actually be surprised if that happened now that I’ve seen it because the art is…really just pretty ugly. It’s not awful all the time, but it’s really boring and uninspired and the character designs are incredibly generic. The only thing I kinda liked was how the guild leader is a ‘freemium’ player, meaning he (or she, if we’re talking about the person behind the avatar) spends real money in order to get all the super rare items and rubs it in the others faces. That and, while Ako is an absolutely insufferable Manic Pixie Dreamgirl cliche, I’m glad that the other guild members also turned out to be girls just to get rid of some of the stench of ‘no girls on the internet’, as well as the implication that Ako only sucks at playing the game because she’s a girl. But, well. Corn’s pretty decent food, but just because there’s sometimes bits of corn in a turd doesnt make you want to eat it anymore than you would otherwise. And this show sure is a big ol’ turd.

Apricot is the most decent character in this, but like I said, corn in a turd.

Out of 5,
melon

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