To find a better show to be in, perhaps?

Rich, fairly spoiled Kaho Nikaido moves to the city to begin life as a high school and resident of the “Kasumi House” living complex. While unloading her baggage, she accidentally runs into the path of a truck and is rescued by a mysterious man. Though the stranger yells at her and refuses to tell her his name, Kaho immediately decides that he is her first love.

At Kasumi House, she meets fellow high schoolers Kota and Chiaki, as well as college student Taga. Kota is shy, Taga is rude, and Chiaki can somehow tell that Kaho has just fallen in love. Of course, “fate” would have it that the mysterious man, Kanade, lives there too. Kaho immediately confesses, and he nonchalantly agrees to date her if she accepts “the real him”. The next day, she learns what that means: Kanade is an elementary school fifth year.

Despite this, Kaho agrees to be his girlfriend. She meets his friends, who are also fifth years who look significantly older. When she witnesses them acting childish, she begins to have doubts about her “relationship”. She is also introduced to class rep Kaz, who is the only one of the group to actually look like an elementary school student, but has the smooth, mature attitude that the others lack and is against Kaho and Kanade dating. Kanade also “saves” Kaho again (from being touched by his friend’s dirty hands) and swears to always protect her.

that’s it that’s the show

Oh, how I wish this was a satire piece about how anime characters are drawn to look either way older or way younger than they are. Or even a comedy series about primary schoolers that look like adults. But no, it really genuinely seems like Hatsukoi Monster is taking the “high school girl dates elementary school boy” thing seriously. We even get a confession and “dating” in the first episode, rather than the extended pining that is usually a staple of shoujo anime.

While our job here at Moeronpan is basically to judge new anime, I do try to avoid making moral”this is objectively bad/gross” type judgments about shows. However, in this case….no can do. Hatsukoi Monster is creepy. A relationship, if it can even be called that, between a high school girl and an elementary school boy is creepy. And while the show does seem at least somewhat self-aware (giving the fifth year characters significantly older, deeper voices than even the college student, for example) it’s not enough to eliminate how uncomfortable I felt watching this episode.

Beyond the mere fact of the relationship itself being not okay, this episode didn’t have much else to recommend itself to me. The fifth-years’ immature humor, especially the constant repetition of “wiener,” got old very fast. The main character is very unlikable, both constantly talking down about herself and taking every single little thing that happens way too seriously. (For example, she called Kanade refusing to give her his name at their first meeting “getting dumped.”) The other high school cast are one-dimensional walking tropes, especially the shy, stuttering Kota. The episode’s lone high points were the opening and ending songs, which are far too good to be wasted on a show like this.

Watching this show was a highly unpleasant experience. I don’t think I laughed at a single “joke”. Needless to say, I won’t be watching any more.

Out of 5 Dios:

1/2

NO

In order to accurately capture the experience of watching this show, the caps had to be 50% wiener references

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